This will be the last post that I make for this blog; I just want to share a little about my personal experiences in spending 6 months in Malawi. This is probably something I should’ve done much earlier as I’ve been home now for a little over 2 months! But since I’ve been back, I have been seriously struggling with feelings that I guess can be attributed to reverse culture-shock; I’m thankful that God has had so much grace with me, because I’ve just recently started to work through some of it and I’m beginning to feel like myself again =)

Something that I struggle with is being transparent with others, and as a result I haven’t really shared very many of my experiences in Malawi. Yes, I did see a lot of animals while I was there and I did play with the sweet children at Esther’s House a lot. But even more than that my relationship with God grew an incredible amount and He revealed to me so many things that I’ve been blind to in the past.

The most incredible experience I had while I was there is something that I can’t pinpoint to a specific day or moment. One of our first goals when I arrived was to increase the number of children in the residential program, and I was blessed with the opportunity to see God radically change the lives of each new child that came to live at EH. Elford, the first 5-year-old boy we enrolled, was severely malnourished and as a result he was very fragile, had no energy, and was very quiet. For the first month that he was there, he would just sit with the adults and watch the other children play with this glazed look in his eyes. I remember looking out across the EH campus one day and seeing Elford talking to one of the other children, when he suddenly broke out into these awkward, jerky movements with his arms and legs. A few of us were watching him, trying to figure out what was going on, and then we realized…he’s trying to dance. Watching Elford develop physically, emotionally, and spiritually in just 5 months has changed my life. By the time I left in February Elford would walk up to me with a big smile on his face, take both of my hands, and put them on his tummy just so I would tickle him. That may not sound like a lot, but it was such a far stretch from the little boy I met in the village!

Elford, the day we picked him up to take him to Esther's House, Sept. 2010

Elford "climbing" a tree =) Jan. 2011

I fell in love with Enelesi the first day that I met her. Although she had probably never seen a white person before, she walked over and tugged at my skirt so that I would sit her on my lap and let her play with my hair (which became a habit over the next 5 months).

Enelesi =)) Jan. 2011

I can’t put into words most of the memories that I have of these children—it honestly wouldn’t sound like anything noteworthy. It was 6 months of just loving them. But I do have a lot of sweet memories with them that I think about often =) Esther’s House has the ability to house 100 residential orphans, but those first 9 will always be special to me.

I did love spending time with these children, but God really used them to reveal to me how great His love for all of us truly is. I don’t know if I can say that I had ever seen God move in such a real way before living there..I was so caught up in my own little world before I left for Malawi, that I don’t know if I was even bothering to look. But when I think about how radically God changed the lives of the 9 children that now live at Esther’s House, I feel overwhelmed by how great His love is. There are millions of children in need in Malawi, and He hand-picked these 9 double-orphaned children to be cared for by this ministry. Thinking about how different their lives would have been had God not interceded blows my mind.. I think it’s such a beautiful example of how God’s love can transform us.

I don’t know if I can say that I was a strong Christian before I left for Malawi. I loved God, but I wasn’t really involved in church beyond Sunday mornings. Although being involved in missions was not something that I had planned on, I did respond when I felt that God was calling me to it. I was more than okay with the idea of living without modern conveniences and about being away from home, but I was nervous because I didn’t feel like I had a lot to offer spiritually. God used the 6 months I was there to stretch me past my comfort zone in so many ways—the last Sunday I was at Madzanje Baptist I actually had the opportunity to teach one of the lessons, which is something I never saw myself doing! A verse that I’ve gotten to know well over the past few months is 2 Corinthians 12:9:

“My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.”

I’ve learned to be grateful for my weaknesses—the fact that God can use such an imperfect person to do His work says so much about God’s greatness and so little about me. I am incredibly thankful for that!

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.”
--2 Corinthians 4:7

God used my time in Malawi not only to allow me to serve at Esther’s House, but also to give me the time and opportunity to grow my relationship with Him. He put me in an environment that took away all the distractions—art, work, entertainment, etc— that I was using as an excuse to stay at a distance, and I’m so incredibly grateful that He did. I developed a peace in my life that I’ve never known before, and that only could have come from Him. I feel overwhelmed with gratitude when I think about how even with all my faults, weaknesses, and constant mistakes that I make, He loves me unconditionally.

Being home has been a struggle for me because I do often long to be back in Malawi. God has really opened my eyes to the fact that I am in this world, but not of it. I know that God has a plan, and in the meantime I’m excited about doing what I can for Him with where I am in my life.

♥ S